Those who follow and are familiar with actor Kal Penn are aware that he is a successful TV and film actor (House, Designated Survivor, the Harold and Kumar film franchise), as well as having spent two years working in the Obama administration’s White House.

Most people are unaware that Penn, 44, has been in a relationship with his boyfriend Josh for 11 years and that the two are engaged.

Penn tells PEOPLE about his decision to share his relationship with audiences in his new book You Can’t Be Serious, in which he relates the tale of how he and Josh met and fell in love while Penn was living in Washington, D.C.

“With everyone I’ve directly interacted with, I’ve always been quite open. If Josh and I are out or talking to friends, it may be someone I meet at a bar “Penn explains. “I’m incredibly eager to tell you about our friendship. But Josh, my partner, my parents, and my brother, the four individuals in my family with whom I have the most contact, are quite quiet. They dislike being the centre of attention and avoid being in the spotlight.”

The star of Designated Survivor says he wanted to be open and honest in his book without jeopardising his loved ones’ privacy.

“Working out the narrative [in the book], of how to respect who they really are, with telling my storey,” he says. “That includes: my work life, both in Hollywood and in DC, my love life with Josh and how we met, and it includes my parents, to the extent that I’m willing to share stories about their upbringing.” “For me, that was the most crucial factor. I wanted my tale to be genuine from my point of view and delivered in a way that allows you to get to know me.”

Penn describes his first date with Josh in You Can’t Be Serious, and how he was taken aback when his future partner a) showed up at his place with an 18-pack of Coors Light and b) immediately switched the TV to NASCAR.

He recalled thinking, “This obviously isn’t going to work out.” “I’m on vacation from the White House, and this guy is unironically watching automobiles circle and turn left? After a few of months, we’re watching NASCAR every Sunday. ‘What is going on?’ I’m thinking. Through all of those stories, I wanted the reader to be able to enjoy the love and humour.” Kal Penn talks growing up as the son of Indian immigrants, setting out for Hollywood, speaking out against racism, taking a crucial detour to the Obama White House, and returning to entertainment to fight for diversity and inclusion in the new issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands everywhere Friday.

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Penn goes on to say: “The entire idea of writing this book was to make the reader feel as if we were sharing a beer. If we’re supposed to feel like we’re having a beer together, then I’d like to invite you into my stories and have you experience them with the same joy that I have. That’s how my friends met my parents and Josh over the previous ten years as they’ve gotten to know them.”

Penn expresses his gratitude for his family and friends’ unwavering support in all facets of his life, but notably in his connection with Josh.

“First and foremost, I shared things with my parents and close friends,” he explains. “I know it sounds corny, but it’s true: once you’ve informed your Indian parents and the rest of the South Asian community that you want to be an actor for a career, the rest of the talk is a breeze. ‘Yeah, okay,’ they merely say. Everyone seemed to be rooting for me. That’s a beautiful thing you’ve done. I understand that everyone’s experience with it is different, so I consider myself really fortunate.”

“In comparison to many other people, I discovered my own sexuality very late in life,” Penn says. There is no timetable for this. I’m pleased I figured it out when I did.”

Meanwhile, Penn is promoting his book and attempting to prepare his wedding.

“I sincerely hope everyone enjoys the book. He says, “I hope it makes people laugh and smile.” “Of course, I’m engaged to a man, and both of our families will be in attendance at the wedding.” The great debate currently is whether to have a big wedding or a small wedding.

I want the traditional Indian wedding with all the bells and whistles. ‘Or we could just do a small 20-minute event with our families and that’s it,’ Josh, who despises publicity, has stated. As a result, we’ll have to meet in the middle. Penn’s book, You Can’t Be Serious, is set to be released on November 2nd.